Does God exist? Are we superstitious?

I ask so many questions to my mother. But I don’t receive any convincing reply.
I asked – why should we not cut nails after 6 PM? Why should I eat only with the right hand? Why should I not bite my nails? Why do girls grow long hair? Why do we have pockets in left side of the shirt? Why should I pray god? Why should I go to temple? Why should we sit for sometime after our prayers? Why should we keep vibhoothi (ash) on our forehead?  …
In spite of myriad of my ‘whys’, I did not get any reply. Whenever I ask her, she says ‘That is how it works.’
After some point of time, I started introspecting and started asking myself many questions. Here starts my conversation between me and my self, (He – my self, they – our ancestors)
‘Now tell me, why we should not cut nails after 6 PM,’ I said.
‘It is easy to ask questions but difficult to answer,’ he said.
‘Let me tell you, in those days, there was no power. So, it would have been dark after 6. When we cut nails, there are chances that nails get scattered on the ground, pricking us whenever we mistakenly step on them,’ I said.
‘Ya, you are right. You know why we eat with our right hand?’ he asked.
‘After using toilet, we use our left hand to clean. Our excreta contain many microorganisms that are harmful to our health. We do not want to intake it and so we use our right hand to eat. That is also the reason behind considering left hand as inauspicious and why we should not bite our nails and take our hands nearer to the mouth when it is not actually needed,’ I said.
‘Well. Even though, microorganisms were discovered only in the 17th century, our ancestors knew long back that there is something harmful in our excreta.’ He said.
‘Yes, but even now people tell them they were superstitious. They are genius, aren’t they?’ I said.
Yes they are and do you know the reason behind girls growing long hair,’ he asked.
‘Woman’s body produces more bad smell than a man’s body. They (our ancestors) knew flowers smell good. So, women were asked to place flowers on their body in order to counter their body smell. That’s why women had long hair and placed flowers on them. But see nowadays, we use synthetic deodorants and scents which are suffocating,’ I said.
‘Women even forgot that keeping flowers adds to their beauty’ he said.
‘Yes, what to do,’ I said sadly.
‘And what is the reason behind you using AXE for some days,’ he asked.
‘Why do you want to pull my legs now,’ I said.
‘Just tell me no,’ he said.
‘I saw an advertisement where three girls were behind a guy who had put AXE. So, I too wanted some girls following me. I tried for two days, but none followed me,’ I grinned.
‘he he. Do you know why we have pockets in the left side of the shirts?’ he said.
‘Most of the Indians are right handed. Therefore, it is easy to use the right hand to take anything that is in the left hand side pocket,’ I said.
‘What do you think about our ancestors, do you feel they are superstitious in some respects?’ he asked.
‘Not at all. In fact, they are very smart,’ I said.
‘Ok. What do you feel about god?’ he quizzed.
I have asked this question to many people and I have got many responses for and against. The first person to whom I asked this question was my mother. She told ‘God is invisible. He is everywhere and you can feel his presence (thoonilum iruppar thurumbilum iruppar) but you cannot see him. He is the superpower and he is watching each and every one of us.’
‘Are you an atheist?’ he asked.
I smiled. My mother once said to me, ‘You should not lie; if you lie then God will poke your eyes’. That whole day, I lied for everything, not to get my eyes poked but I desperately wanted to see God.
 ‘What are you trying to say?’ he said.
‘It’s not that I don’t believe in god, but science makes ‘God’ unnecessary.’ I said.
‘You think you are smart? I know this has been already said by Stephen Hawking’, he said.
‘Oh, you knew already. Well, God is someone who imparts good values in human. God gives us faith, courage, self confidence, a helping hand when we are in trouble, a pat when we have achieved something. To be precise, God gives everything one needs for his living. Take the example of a child that falls down and cries. Its mother tells the child that she will punish the floor that has hurt him; she even strikes the floor a couple of times with the palm of her hand. The child dries out its tears and goes away, comforted. Has the mother’s act in any way diminished the child’s pain? Then why does it stop crying? It knows that here is someone who will take care of it, no matter what, and that it need not worry when its mother is around. We are very much like the child who falls down: we face difficulties, but we feel comforted when we know that God is keeping watch over us. Our problems cannot be driven away, but the burden seems lighter when we have faith in God.’ I said.
‘Do you feel God is having an eye on all of us?’ he asked.
‘Our ancestors wanted people to live with values. They did not want us to live in whatever way we liked. They had their own set of rules. They wanted – One to be faithful, good to all, not to cause even a small harm to others. They wanted to impart these good values to the fellow humans, but nobody seemed listening to them. They decided that there should be something which monitors each and every move of us. That is how God came into existence. We are told that God sees all our activities and we should do good and be good.’ I said.
‘So, do you mean to say that there is some reason behind each and everything we do?’ he said.
‘Yes, there is,’ I said.
‘Oh, is it. Ok then, now I am gonna corner you with multitude of questions.’ he said.
‘Yes, go ahead,’ I said.
‘You say God is everywhere then why are temples built?’ he said.
‘Temples are built to show us the presence of God and to let the world know how much faith and respect one has towards God’ I said.
‘Why should one pray God?’ he asked.
‘Life is made of both happiness and sorrow. We will happily share our joyous things to anybody. But when it comes to sorrow, we can’t share some of our sad things even to our parents and also to our close friends. When it happens, the internal stress increases leading to many complications. So, we are in need of someone to whom we can share anything and everything. That ultimately became God who listens to you and gives you courage to face the odds.’
‘Why should one go to temple to get his blessings?’ he asked.
‘Temples are not places where you just unload your sorrow. It is also the place which makes you fit and teaches you values. Our temples are built big. After our prayers, we go round the temple three times (Pirahaaram). This is not just to ask God to fulfill our wishes, but to make ourselves fit and healthy. Nowadays, we see people who did not go round the temple when they were fifteen but now wandering in parks and beaches after turning obese at fifty.’ I said.
‘What is the reason behind priest chanting mantras?’ he said.
‘When a mantra is chanted, vibrational energy is produced which gets distributed in the nervous system and helps to ensure health, healing, prosperity and peace in human,’ I said.
‘Tell me why we sit for sometime after our prayers?’ he said.
‘After doing 3 rounds of pirahaaram won’t our legs pain, that’s why we take rest for sometime before leaving the temple. Additionally, it also gives us pleasure of spending time with our family,’ I said.
‘Fine. Why do they say, we should not eat before going to temple? Do they mean to say we are not respecting God and giving preference to food?’ he said.
‘No, when we eat and do some activity, the blood will go to the moving parts of the body. Scientifically, our stomach needs blood to digest the food particles after we eat. So, when we eat and go to temple, we are denying blood to our stomach which leads to indigestion. Therefore, it is a good practice to eat after having our prayers.’ I said.
‘So, we should refrain from any physical activity after eating,’ he said.
Yes, I nodded.
‘What is the reason behind keeping vibhoothi in forehead?’ he said.
‘We place vibhoothi in between the two eyebrows in the region called as glabella. Pituitary gland, the master endocrine gland is situated beneath the glabella. When we touch the glabella, the master gland is activated, which controls all the other endocrine glands namely pineal gland, thyroid gland, parathyroid gland, thymus gland, islets of Langerhans, adrenal gland, ovary and testis. This master gland which is activated when touched, secretes hormones which help in growth, functioning of the adrenal gland and in reproduction’ I said.
‘It sounds Greek and Latin to me,’ he said.
‘I came to know about this when I attended meditation class,’ I said.
‘Great. But this question is going to be very tough, ‘he said.
‘Go ahead,’ I said.
‘Everything is for good. Then why don’t you believe in God?’ he said.
‘Yes, I agree, but there are downsides to everything; there are unintended consequences to everything. The worst thing that God brought us is division in human into different religion which is in turn divided into caste. Based on who one worships, he is categorized into that religion. You know, what all are happening due to these divisions and misconceptions. The well-known Ayodhya dispute where Hindus and Muslims fought for occupying a piece of land. In that tussle, more than 2000 people lost their lives. Few months back, a Muslim girl eloped with a Hindu guy. They were caught by the relatives of the Muslim girl and both were honour killed. There was another similar incident where a Hindu girl eloped with a Dalit boy. Agitated by the incident, the father of the girl tortured and stripped off the boy’s mother and she was beaten up on the road,’ I said.
‘But why do you want to take the bad things when there are many good things to cherish?’ he said.
‘Nowadays people show no interest in good things. You remember the case of Anders Behring Breivik, who killed 69 people in Norway. He, who is a Christian, wanted to expel Muslims from Europe. Similar is the case with India and Pakistan, here it is between Hindus and Muslims. Few days back, I also read a headline where a dead woman was denied burial by caste Hindus in a Dalit graveyard as she got converted to Christianity. If she had believed God is one, then she would not have converted to Christianity at the first place. ‘I said.
‘You mean to say that we should stop believing in God,’ he said.
‘Here, I wanted to narrate an incident that happened. Once, I went to Sabarimalai, had my prayers. I started from Kerala and was returning to Chennai. I was at Dindugul bus stand and wanted to go to railway station which was 2 km away to catch the train arriving at 2.30 AM. My watch ticked 2 and I had 30 minutes to cover a distance of 2 km. I was not in a situation to afford an auto as I had only 150 rupees with me with which I also had to get my train ticket. I asked the route to a man at the bus stand and started walking. The station was not on the main road and I had to walk into the interior streets to reach the railway station. I lost my way as it had many turns. There was no one except few dogs in the streets to help me with the way. I even thought, do I ask the route to these dogs, but I was not sure whether they understood human language. I stood there for a while thinking what to do. I was glad when I saw a bike coming in front of me. I waved hands and stopped him. From his gesture, I realized he was drunk. I asked him the way to the station. He told me the route and said ‘Saami, na kuduchurken illaena naane ungala station la vitruvaen. Enna manuchurunga’ (Saami, I’m drunken else I’ll myself drop you at the station, please don’t mistake me). I replied, ‘No problem. In fact, I’m very grateful to you as you helped me when I really needed you’. I thanked him and I started walking hurriedly. I realized the God in him, but when I turned to see him again, he went out of my sight.’ I said.
‘What are you trying to say now? Did you see the movie ‘Anbae Sivam’ recently? If you speak like this, do you think you can become actor Kamal Hassan?’ he said.
‘Jokes apart. What I wanted to convey is we need not look at human as God; but we should at least see a human as human. We should respect others and we should care for all. Here I wanted to say a few words about kavignar Vairamuthu. Though his sons were born with silver spoon, he made his sons to work in his friend’s shop during vacations to let them understand the other side of life.’ I said.
There are two things which make me see God as a superpower.
Firstly, I observe this thumb rule in each and everyone’s life – there is no person who is completely happy and no person who is completely sad. The ‘happiness and sorrow’ is distributed uniformly in each and everyone’s life. I am searching who made this thumb rule. I always use ‘is’ instead of ‘are’ when it comes to happiness and sorrow as I feel these two words are inseparable.
Secondly– It took me many years to understand and realize the reasons behind going to temple, praying God, sitting back for a while after our prayers, etc. So, I think it will take some time for me to become mature to realize His presence.
Let’s believe in God. Let’s take all the good things in everything though bad things come for free. Let’s be good and do good. Let’s teach our children that “There is only one God in the name of ‘God’ and one race called the human race.”
“Ondrae kulam, oruvanae Dhevan”

-Kannappan.

Marks are not everything

To the students:

Learning is a joy

1. Please don’t get stressed, be calm and composed as always.
2. Have six to eight hours of sleep daily. Only when there is good sleep, whatever u have read will get into your mind and you can recollect later.
3. Take a break of 5 to 10 minutes every one hour. Our brain is not designed to concentrate continuously for more than an hour. So the breaks are vital.
4. Try to learn how much you can. Don’t strain too much.
5. The very purpose of education is to make you think and make you learn how you must live. It is not about getting marks. This thing I realized very late in my life. Of course, nothing is too late.
6. Never ask your friends how much he has studied; it will lead to unnecessary anxiety before the examination.
7. Do not worry about the marks you secure, see what you have understood from the lessons. When your understanding is high, the marks will take care of itself.
8. Don’t get scared by seeing the question paper. Try to write whatever you know, of course related to the topic.
9. Don’t discuss the answers after coming out of the exam hall, it will lead to stress and you will not be able to prepare well for the coming exams.

(During our exam times, when we came out of the exam hall, we didn’t discuss about how we wrote the exam, rather we commented, ‘Machi the girl near u super da’, ‘aama da, chance eh illa, she was very pretty’)

To the parents:

1. Please never compare your child with others. Everyone is good in their own ways. One can study well. One can play well. One can sing well. One can dance well. All the fingers are not of same size but they are useful in their own ways.
2. Drive them to study well. Do not pressurize them to study.
3. Don’t say them, “you are fit for nothing“. Instead say, “You have the stuff, the thing is you have to put some hard work, I am sure you can do it.”
4. When the child is exasperated after the exam. Be with him, console him and say him “Nothing is lost, don’t worry for anything. Come what may.”
5. When child shows suicidal tendencies and seems depressed a lot, don’t leave the child alone. Be with him and make him understand that marks are not everything.

Facts you should know:

1. Albert Einstein – a mediocre student.
2. Steve Jobs – the co founder of Apple is a college drop out.
3. Sachin Tendulkar – failed in his board examination.
4. Bill Gates – Chairman of Microsoft is a college drop out.
5. Thomas Alva Edison – inventor and scientist is a school dropout.
6. Winston Churchill – former Prime Minister of UK, writer and artist is a poor student in school.

What would have been the situation, if these persons were not there? Our life would have been always dark without Edison. No Iphones without Jobs. Computers would have been a distant dream for many without Gates. No laurels for Indian cricket without Sachin. The list goes on…….

To my dear friends:

Let us strive to remove the word suicide from our dictionary. The depressed ones need nothing but
"An ear that will hear them and
 A soul that will console them."

Let us share the message with our near and dear ones. I feel advices are better written than said. When it is in written form, there is no argument and the readers will be able to take them directly. I’m sure we are saving someone somewhere.

Anxious student

I pray, I should never come across a headline which reads “Student commits suicide”. When there is pain, don’t forget that life can give you thousand reasons to smile. When we were born, we dint bring anything, so always remember there is nothing to lose.

You can reach on 9941265431/9362994035 for any assistance. You can also mail to kannappanramanathan@gmail.com

I have always said and I’ll always say, “Life is beautiful”. Keep smiling as always and keep moving.

Cheers,
Kannappan.

To the most beautiful woman by Kannappan

When we see a good looking girl, we say “she is beautiful”. But when it comes to ‘most beautiful’, it is always our mother who will flash in our mind. Yes, this article is about her.

Even when she was at college, I dint leave her study peacefully. I was eight months old in her womb, when she took her final examination. In spite of me disturbing her, she graduated with first class.

I was born at Sivagangai near Karaikudi. When I was four years old, my sister was born. We all came to Chennai after that. My father worked in a company at Royapettah. I remember, I always fought with my mother. My mother beat me for all my misbehaviours. In turn, I beat her ten times counting from one to ten (theriyumla nangellam appavae rowdy).

My father was unable to run the family with his meagre income. My mother, being a graduate, she too wanted to work. She searched and she got a job as an accountant in a private company at Ambattur Industrial estate. As the rent was less at Ambattur, we shifted there. My father was ready to travel to Royapettah from Ambattur. My sister and I joined in a matriculation school nearby. I was seven years old then.

Our school ends at 3.30 PM. We reach home at 3.45 PM. The verandah key will be at our neighbour’s home. There will be a box in which my mother keeps the snacks– biscuits and cut fruits. We eat, study and sleep there. My mother reaches home at 7 PM and my father at 9 PM.

Days passed, I was 11 years old. Our needs increased day by day. My parents were not able to manage the growing financial needs of the family. We opened a STD booth at Ambattur. We had the shop open from 4 PM to 12 AM. I took care from 4 PM to 9 PM, later my father use to be there till 12 AM.  We also had a small black and white Solidaire TV at the shop. I remember we had a pirated cable TV connection for 40 a month. Whenever I had exams, I use to take the books along with me to study.

Days went, I was 13 then, we saved some money. Also my both grandparents helped us financially; moreover, we borrowed interest free money from outside and we got a house for ourselves. We felt happy. My sister and I always quarrel for all the things especially for snacks. Though she fought with me all the time, she too was aware of the struggle put by my father and mother to bring us up.

Two years passed, I was into tenth. My mother did not want me to look after the shop as she thought it would affect my studies. Even my father was not able to travel daily, so he quit his job.  My father completely took care of the shop whereas I started completely concentrating on my studies. (Now, please don’t ask me how much I scored in tenth).

Nowadays, there was no fight between me and sister. We shared everything. We became good friends. It was the time; the mobile phones started becoming popular. Within few months, our business became dull. We were pushed to the same point where we started. We were unable to meet our basic expenses. At that time, my grandfather was there in Malaysia. He helped my father get a job there in a temple. My father went there as I completed my 11th standard.

In 2005, I completed my twelfth. My mother wanted me to take a college outside Chennai. I explored and found that Mepco Schlenk was at second place in Anna University ranking list. She left the choice to me. I took Mepco. There was a month time between my completion and the college reopening. My mother left to office and my sister to school. I was alone at home. I cried in front of the mirror – asking myself how I’m going to stay alone without these people, with whom I’ll fight, how I’m going to manage everything.

I went there. I was homesick for first few days. I got good friends. I stayed in hostel for two years. Later we rented a house at Virudhunagar. I spent time with my best friends. Each and every day was filled with fun and frolic. I completed my engineering. I got placed in a software company.

I spoke about my father, myself and my sister, but there is one person who is behind the screen and does everything silently and keeps us moving. Yes, it is my mother who is responsible for whatever we are now. She is the sun around whom we are revolving as planets. Yes, it is she, who is taking care of all of us silently. It is she, who keeps us moving. She is struggling since I’m five years old. I’m with her for 23 years now; even then I don’t know when she gets up. Whenever, I got up, I can see her busy roaming here and there, taking care of the entire house hold activities.

She wakes up. She does all the cooking – breakfast and lunch. She gets ready. She wakes us up. Later she packs the food for us. She starts at 8.30 AM. The security will close the office gate at 9.00 AM sharp. She has to be there within 9. She goes there, does all the work assigned to her with utmost care and responsibility. She leaves office at 6 PM. Returns at 6.30 PM. When she comes, she buys snacks, groceries, vegetables and all the things that are needed for the next day. After returning, she doesn’t rest even for a second. She takes care of the dinner. She washes all the vessels. She eats and then goes to bed to do all these things the next day.

She doesn’t want to waste time combing and maintaining her hair, so she shaved her head when she was 40. She did it, so that she could save at least 10 minutes daily. When I was at Virudhunagar and my father was in Malaysia, she also had additional work. She has to pay the current bill, telephone bill. She has to go to ration. She has to register for the cylinder and get it delivered.

Only one day leave for her. During this day, she washes all the clothes. She makes dosa flour, only then she will be able to prepare food for the rest of the week. My mother is a vegetarian. She doesn’t know how to cook non vegetarian. But she learnt it for ours sake. She has never tasted it, but she cooks it in such a way that it tastes delicious.

I wonder how she is able to take care of all these things. When I was in Virudhunagar, we were five friends staying together. Unable to meet the food expenses, we decided to cook at home. We started cooking food. We divide the work among five of us. One friend buys the groceries. Two friends cook. The other two wash the vessels. In spite of dividing the work amongst us, we felt hard to stick to it. Really, I wonder how come she is able to take care of all these things alone without even a single day break.

She made me to study outside Chennai, because of which I learnt many things. It taught me - how one has to adjust with friends, how one should manage expenses, how to be flexible, how to be independent, how one has to keep going even when the loved ones are not around.

In fact, I knew how difficult it is to do all these things, but I felt the real pain involved only after my stay at Virudhunagar. After coming here, I wanted to share the work she did. As I started earning from my end, I wanted both my parents to stop working. My father is now in Chennai. I asked him not to go again anywhere to earn. Money is needed but it can’t buy us everything. I have even asked my mother to quit her job so many times, but she is not interested to do. She says she feels bored at home. I agree, it is one of the reasons, but the real reason is she doesn’t want me to take the whole responsibility on my shoulders.

What we have to do for our parents:

  1.We must respect them.
  2.We must listen to them and do things accordingly.
  3.They may be wrong at times, after all they are humans. In that case, we have to educate them why it was done the other way.
  4.We should take care of them till their last breath. We should not put them under the care of old age home. We must live for them.
  5.After marriage, there may be some misunderstandings and difference in opinion between one’s spouse and parents. In that case, we have to talk to them to sort things out. We should not think about having a nuclear family with our spouse.

The above points might seem confusing, but when you dig deeper, you will understand all of them meant the same. It just says “Please don’t forget your parents”

In Psychology, I have read that “Everyone has own reasons behind their actions”. But my mother proves this wrong. She does everything for us without expecting anything in return. I am gifted to have a mother like her. Not only my mother, there are hundreds of mothers like her. They live for their children throughout their life. In fact, there is no end to mother’s love, but this article has.

Dedicated to the most beautiful woman,
Kannappan.

My travel with the best companion ‘The Hindu’

I travel from one end of Chennai to the other end to make my both ends meet. It’s a long journey day to day from Ambattur to Thiruvanmiyur. In my first trip, as all do, I too started with listening to music. After days passed, I felt it uninteresting and gave up. Later, I use to kill my time sleeping.
One day, I wanted to observe what others do in train. They sleep, read, chat, or have their China sets in full volume which will tear your ears. I had neither a person to chat nor a China mobile and since I was already fed up with naps and music, my only option was to read. Without a second thought, I chose ‘The Hindu’ which is one of the best dailies.

Though, I was from a matriculation school, I was not that good in English as I was taught only to learn a language as a subject. So, I thought I should improve my language through reading the daily.

For few months, I just read the headlines and not the detailed news because of two reasons. Firstly, I was not able to understand the meanings of few complex words which were above my standard. Secondly, I felt lazy to read in detail. I was happy to turn the pages quickly to see the last page as I’m quite interested in sports column. Then spend my time solving the Sudoku.

Days passed, without my knowledge, I gradually started reading in detail about everything that I felt interesting. Whenever, I came across new words, I type in my mobile and see the meaning for those words once I reach office. This is how it started and I spent my time preciously instead of wasting it.

One day, my mother called me and asked ‘why don’t you take the company bus instead of walking and changing two trains’. I thought it was a good idea and whispered to myself ‘Yes, I may get a good looking girl to accompany me, who would laugh even for my stupid jokes.’ But in fact, whatever we think never happens, does it?

The next month, I registered myself for the company bus. I opened ‘The Hindu’. I was not able to read as the bus shook because of our most beautiful roads. Within fractions, I felt the pain in my eyes and the head ached. In the bus, one could see two groups of people, the first group with their ipods on and the second group which always sleeps. I had no other option but to fall in the latter. Despite spending thousand rupees for the bus, it was rather boring and made me lethargic. Somehow, I pushed the month and I said to myself, ‘I should never again think of coming in bus.’

I switched again to my train travel. I learnt many things within a month. I have heard of people saying “Life is how we look at it”. An optimist says the glass is half full while a pessimist says the glass is half empty. Though, it is true, it requires experience to realize it. Thanks to my mother who wanted me to travel in bus that changed my looking at life.

The people whom I once saw as a crowd now look like a bunch of lovely and lively people struggling for their bread and butter. The elders’ talking about politics and their day to day life instances please the ears compared to the monotonous tune in the ipods. When I think of whether technology is a boon or bane to mankind, I end up saying it is in how we use it.


Moreover, in the train, one can admire a child’s cry; an old man’s laugh. One can listen to the pleas of the common man. One can offer a needy and feel self satisfied, what else can we ask for?

Coming back to my best companion, in spite of doing all these, I also read the daily. Reading which I once started as a duty has now become a pleasure. Apart from knowing about the day to day happenings, I also learn how to live a life. Here are some of the important things that I learnt,

Ø One must not throw waste in the open. I do my bit to keep the environment clean. What about you?

Ø One must be flexible. It not only applies to workplace, it is applicable through out our life especially in order to avoid beaten by our spouse.

Ø One must use the available resources judiciously.

Ø One must put a diary and write all their happy moments. One who is content and trains his brain to be happy is believed to live longer.

Ø One must not spit in public places.

Ø One must be wary of desire, greed and anger which prompt him to commit sin.

Ø One must not splurge on unnecessary things.

Ø One must have 4 to 5 small meals at frequent intervals than having three big meals a day.

Ø One must not urinate in the open.

Ø One must exercise at least thirty minutes a day.

Ø One must take care of his parents in their old age.

Ø One must not commit suicide.

Ø One must not smoke that too in the public places, where we deny fresh air even to the non smokers. Smoking doesn’t mean that smokers will die early. Non smokers are walking on the pavement whereas the smokers are walking in the middle of the road where there are high chances of getting hit.

I inculcate values in me by reading ‘The Hindu’ what we so call education has failed to do. There may be an end to my train travel, but there will be never an end to the journey of life with ‘The Hindu’. Join the journey with ‘The Hindu’ in just three rupees which is half the minimum fare that we spend in a MTC.

Though, at times we say ‘Life sucks’ (enna vazhkada idhu), in the broader picture, it looks very beautiful, doesn’t it?

Battle between me and my son

He is 31; he is a chain smoker and a drinker. It was me from whom he grabbed money to drink all these years. I would have spent more than what I earn for his smoking and drinking. I use to take him to the rehabilitation center and after some few months there will be a call from the center saying that your son is not drinking now and you can very well take him home. But soon as he comes home; he will start drinking in two or three days.

A few years back, he was in ICU due to his excessive drinking and I spent more than two lakhs for his recovery. Only God knows how much I suffered because of him.

Adding to that, my husband also went to his native place as he was unable to control his son and he thought that if he was not near then the troubles made will be comparatively less. My second son (Karthik) stays some few kilometers away from us as he was not able to tolerate my first son’s torture. My son and I were being together for the past ten years now. Last Sunday, by 6.30, I came home after attending a marriage function. It was after that, the tragedy happened.

He was very nervous at that time as he dint have money to drink

He was watching cricket for sometime and then he came to me and asked money to drink. I told him that I don’t have money. He started kicking and beating me. I tried to manage him but ended in vain. He deleted all my contacts in my cell phone and also tore my address book to keep me not calling to the alcohol rehabilitation center. I took my luggage and came down and was about to start to my relative’s home. He dragged me into the house. He then asked my wedding chain(thaali). I refused to give him but still he tried to pluck it from me. I didn’t know what to do as a sole woman. I got the precious chain from him and gave him my golden earring in return.

He then locked me in the room and went out. I don’t know for how much he kept the earring. He drank for that money and returned home. During that time, I cried for a long time and slept unknowingly. He opened the doors and came in. As there was some sound, I woke up but acted like I was still sleeping, so that he would not beat me. I kept saying some prayers and prayed God.

He later went into the bedroom and he kept the TV in full sound. I was silently watching what he was doing. The door was half open and I was not able to see him and the TV was in full sound. It was 12AM at that time.

I closed my eyes and started praying for him. The time reached 12.30 AM. I usually know that whenever he drank, he would eat late. I waited patiently till 1 AM. I thought he slept without eating. I got up from the bed and went into his room and I was shocked to see him hanging. I shouted and screamed but there was no one to help me in the midnight.

Really I don’t know what to do. I tried to lift him thinking that still he might be alive. I touched his heart and realized that he was no more. I hurried downstairs, called my landlady for help. She came with me and saw my son. She was frightened on seeing him.

As all the contacts were deleted, I don’t know what to do. I was in a very bad situation even I don’t remember my second son, Karthik’s mobile number. The landlady and I started to my relative’s home nearby. I told them what happened and also called to Karthik’s mobile after getting his number from them. His mobile was in silent, he dint pick up for the first two times. I was very tensed and thought that he was in deep sleep. At the third time, he picked up and shocked to know that his brother committed suicide.

He rushed to our home. Karthik called all my relatives. Police came and had the FIR. They collected his suicide note which read ‘Amma, please forgive me. I did all the things that should not be done by a son to his mother. Though, I have beaten you many times, you were very patient and you showed your love in return. I tried many times to quit drinking but I was unable to give up. I wanted to go for a good job, but I was unable to do with this bad habit. I am sorry that I was not able to make you proud. If there is a next birth for me, I love to be born to you and I will be a good son and I will surely make you proud. It was a battle between me and drinking in which drinking won many times but it was me who had the final say. I proved that my mother’s love is bigger than all the unnatural things on earth. If somebody asks about my death, please tell them that I died because of heart attack’.

The body was taken for postmortem. Cry all around. We did the last rites. According to him, it was me who won the battle but actually speaking; I not only wanted him to quit drinking but also wanted him to lead a very happy life with a good job. I lost the battle, I lost him.

This is not just a story and this is a real thing that happened to my close relative. Why don’t we ban smoking and drinking in our country. What is there in it? Why do people start to smoke and drink? Is it not the waste of time, money and health in particular?

I got a lot of answers when I asked these questions to my friends. One says, ‘I don’t want to live longer, I just want to enjoy life. But it’s not that I cannot live without smoking. I just smoke.’

Another says ‘my seniors at my college ask me to get cigarettes for them, as time went on I started smoking and I’m unable to quit now’.

‘I drink when I’m happy and friends meet after a long time like in a tour or in a get-together. It’s not that I’m addicted and I cannot survive without drinking.’

‘I drink when I’m happy to increase my happiness and I drink when I’m sad to decrease my sadness’. So, whatsoever, he is drinking always.

What most of us say is that we are not addicted to it. But actually speaking addiction happens without our knowledge and we may even think that we can control but it goes beyond our control. This is the fact. Now, one will say, ‘I will drink when I’m happy’. After some point of time, the same one will say, ‘I am forced to drink because I feel depressed and nervous when I think about my responsibilities and commitments’.

What are the ways to control ourselves?

The most important thing is to write the day to day happenings and maintain a diary.

What are the advantages in writing diary?

1. It decreases our sorrows and increases our happiness.

2. When there is a problematic situation in our life, we can turn back the pages to see that we have faced and tackled many problems that were very problematic than the one that we face today. So, it gives you confidence to face anything in life. (Vijay solramadhiri ‘evalavo pannitom, idha panna matama’)

3. It helps you to keep in track of yourselves.

4. It increases your personality and it helps you to change yourself in a good way.

Writing diary is a beautiful experience and I’m really searching for words to explain this. Start writing from today and feel the difference.

Drinking and Smoking - This is time for us to think whether we really need this. Don’t ever forget that there is a family behind each and every drinker. We have to think about their worries and sufferings. We have to stick to good ethics. Hope we can change from hereon.

HOW TO BE HAPPY

We do many things in our life just to be self satisfied and ultimately what we all want is happiness. Inspite of doing whatever we desire, we are unhappy. Why?
HAPPINESS IN TERMS OF SELF SATISFACTION:
When one is satisfied with whatever he is and whatever he has, obviously he will be the happiest person.
Comparison is one of the main things that ruin happiness in us. Just don’t compare yourself with others.
For example: “Vincent is the one who takes Maths for your class. How come John is able to get centum but why don’t you?”
Just remember that you can make the one who gets 95 to get a centum. But it’s not at all easy to make the one who gets 20 to get a centum. Nobody can be a perfect match to another. Everybody is good in their own ways. This thing holds good not only in academics; this is a universal truth and is applicable in all parts of our life.
Instead of comparing yourself with others, try to beat your own records. In this way, I’m sure that you can improve and you can also be happy.
Self satisfaction:
Do whatever you like and whatever you want, but make sure that it doesn’t affect others in any sense. Always listen to what others say, analyze, go ahead if you are ok with it, otherwise go by whatever you wish. Self satisfaction is one of the important roots for happiness.
Always, one searches for things that are better than what he has. One is also not satisfied with whatever he has achieved. Self contentment is needed in order to be happy. Without this, one cannot be happy at all.
For example: I wanted to get 1000 in my tenth, but was not able to get,but still I was happy about it.
I wanted to get 1150 in my twelfth, but was not able to get. Still I was happy with what I had achieved.
I wanted to become a doctor but ended up being an engineer. But still I was happy about that.
I wanted to study abroad but I’m working in a company now. But still I’m happy with this.
This is all because of self contentment. Satisfied with what I am and what I have.
HAPPINESS IN TERMS OF TIME:
Past:
Past is always beautiful.
Whenever we think about our past, it’s always beautiful. Even, it gives pleasure when we talk about the past.
Share your experience with others, it will always make you happy.
Example:
1. “College life, it’s chanceless, you know how I enjoyed it”
2. “You know we had no money but we had our best time in our life” (engayo kaeta madhiri irukumae Vaaranam Aayiram dialogae dan)
Present:
Present is something that is filled with joy and sorrow.
Future:
Future is always troublesome.
If we keep on thinking about our future, then there will be no happiness in our lives.
If we never think about our future then there will be no improvement in our lives.
So, the thing is we can think about our near future.
A 8th standard student shall think how he is going to pass his 8th standard rather than thinking how he is going to get through in 12th standard.

Turn back and see what obstacles you have come across. Multiply your joy and divide your sorrow by sharing with others.
How to be happy in the present:
1.Even distribution of time spending with family and friends.
2.Chatting with persons whomever u like.
3.Caring for others. Please do not expect care from others.
4.Listening to music.
5.Never postpone things.
6.Talk more with persons older than 60 and younger than 5.
7.Spend time on things what u like.(how stupid it may be)
8.Always be smiling.
9.Don’t get tensed for small things.
10.Don’t get angry on others for silly things.
11.Think well before u act and react.

What I do when I’m a sad is

1.I say to myself that life is bautiful
2.I think of the song ‘oru naalil valkai ingae engum oadi pogadhu’ from Pudupettai.
Hope this adds some life to your lives.
This is my opinion about happiness. Please also share your comments, so that we will be able to generalise how to be happy.

NEVER READ THIS POST IF U HAVE AN IDEA OF COMMITTING SUICIDE

There are a lot of things in this world which makes our lives more enjoyable and interesting. Then y do people commit suicide.
Nowadays the most important reason for suicide is love failure. There was one good friend of mine who committed suicide because of love failure. You know, when I went to his home a year after his death, his parents saw me and cried as if he died last day.
Please try to understand we are not here for only one person. There are so many persons who are dependent on us directly or indirectly.
If suicide is the answer for love failure then I have to commit suicide for more than a thousand times. When Trisha is not for you then please have in mind that Divya is always waiting for u next door. (Vadivelu solra madiri ‘Trisha illaena Divya’…avlodan valka). So simple.
A few weeks back when the tenth standard results were released. I read in Hindu that more than 5 students committed suicide as they did not secure good marks in their examination. Is there anything like we can’t survive in this world if we don’t get good marks? This is not the mistake of the students; it’s actually because of the people around them especially their parents and teachers who told them that Education is the most important.
If Sachin Tendulkar has thought in the same way, then we would have never seen a Master Blaster in him. Everybody has their own talents, the thing is - it is hidden and we have to do whatever has to be done to bring it out.
People have also found that depression is another main cause for suicide.
In this world, no one can show a person who is completely happy. Everybody has their own problems. There r only 2 ways to tackle our problems.
• Either v have to find a way to overcome our problems
• Else v have to learn how to be happy in spite of our problems.
There is a famous saying which goes like this
“An adventure is only an inconvenience rightly considered and an inconvenience is only an adventure wrongly considered”
Whenever we feel like committing suicide v have to think for a while.
• Whether our problems are going to get solved as a result of this?
• Will our parents be happy after our death?
Just think of your surroundings. Can your friends and parents be happy without u? Even your friends may forget u after some point of time but what about your parents, they will cry cry cry until they die.
So please friends, educate your surroundings that there is nothing in this world that is as important as life and create awareness. Make them understand that we have so many responsibilities and there are many things we have to learn and understand for a good living.

-Kannappan

Got published in Hindu,
 http://www.thehindu.com/opinion/open-page/article2504119.ece