Mar 9, 2012

To the most beautiful woman by Kannappan

When we see a good looking girl, we say “she is beautiful”. But when it comes to ‘most beautiful’, it is always our mother who will flash in our mind. Yes, this article is about her.

Even when she was at college, I dint leave her study peacefully. I was eight months old in her womb, when she took her final examination. In spite of me disturbing her, she graduated with first class.

I was born at Sivagangai near Karaikudi. When I was four years old, my sister was born. We all came to Chennai after that. My father worked in a company at Royapettah. I remember, I always fought with my mother. My mother beat me for all my misbehaviours. In turn, I beat her ten times counting from one to ten (theriyumla nangellam appavae rowdy).

My father was unable to run the family with his meagre income. My mother, being a graduate, she too wanted to work. She searched and she got a job as an accountant in a private company at Ambattur Industrial estate. As the rent was less at Ambattur, we shifted there. My father was ready to travel to Royapettah from Ambattur. My sister and I joined in a matriculation school nearby. I was seven years old then.

Our school ends at 3.30 PM. We reach home at 3.45 PM. The verandah key will be at our neighbour’s home. There will be a box in which my mother keeps the snacks– biscuits and cut fruits. We eat, study and sleep there. My mother reaches home at 7 PM and my father at 9 PM.

Days passed, I was 11 years old. Our needs increased day by day. My parents were not able to manage the growing financial needs of the family. We opened a STD booth at Ambattur. We had the shop open from 4 PM to 12 AM. I took care from 4 PM to 9 PM, later my father use to be there till 12 AM.  We also had a small black and white Solidaire TV at the shop. I remember we had a pirated cable TV connection for 40 a month. Whenever I had exams, I use to take the books along with me to study.

Days went, I was 13 then, we saved some money. Also my both grandparents helped us financially; moreover, we borrowed interest free money from outside and we got a house for ourselves. We felt happy. My sister and I always quarrel for all the things especially for snacks. Though she fought with me all the time, she too was aware of the struggle put by my father and mother to bring us up.

Two years passed, I was into tenth. My mother did not want me to look after the shop as she thought it would affect my studies. Even my father was not able to travel daily, so he quit his job.  My father completely took care of the shop whereas I started completely concentrating on my studies. (Now, please don’t ask me how much I scored in tenth).

Nowadays, there was no fight between me and sister. We shared everything. We became good friends. It was the time; the mobile phones started becoming popular. Within few months, our business became dull. We were pushed to the same point where we started. We were unable to meet our basic expenses. At that time, my grandfather was there in Malaysia. He helped my father get a job there in a temple. My father went there as I completed my 11th standard.

In 2005, I completed my twelfth. My mother wanted me to take a college outside Chennai. I explored and found that Mepco Schlenk was at second place in Anna University ranking list. She left the choice to me. I took Mepco. There was a month time between my completion and the college reopening. My mother left to office and my sister to school. I was alone at home. I cried in front of the mirror – asking myself how I’m going to stay alone without these people, with whom I’ll fight, how I’m going to manage everything.

I went there. I was homesick for first few days. I got good friends. I stayed in hostel for two years. Later we rented a house at Virudhunagar. I spent time with my best friends. Each and every day was filled with fun and frolic. I completed my engineering. I got placed in a software company.

I spoke about my father, myself and my sister, but there is one person who is behind the screen and does everything silently and keeps us moving. Yes, it is my mother who is responsible for whatever we are now. She is the sun around whom we are revolving as planets. Yes, it is she, who is taking care of all of us silently. It is she, who keeps us moving. She is struggling since I’m five years old. I’m with her for 23 years now; even then I don’t know when she gets up. Whenever, I got up, I can see her busy roaming here and there, taking care of the entire house hold activities.

She wakes up. She does all the cooking – breakfast and lunch. She gets ready. She wakes us up. Later she packs the food for us. She starts at 8.30 AM. The security will close the office gate at 9.00 AM sharp. She has to be there within 9. She goes there, does all the work assigned to her with utmost care and responsibility. She leaves office at 6 PM. Returns at 6.30 PM. When she comes, she buys snacks, groceries, vegetables and all the things that are needed for the next day. After returning, she doesn’t rest even for a second. She takes care of the dinner. She washes all the vessels. She eats and then goes to bed to do all these things the next day.

She doesn’t want to waste time combing and maintaining her hair, so she shaved her head when she was 40. She did it, so that she could save at least 10 minutes daily. When I was at Virudhunagar and my father was in Malaysia, she also had additional work. She has to pay the current bill, telephone bill. She has to go to ration. She has to register for the cylinder and get it delivered.

Only one day leave for her. During this day, she washes all the clothes. She makes dosa flour, only then she will be able to prepare food for the rest of the week. My mother is a vegetarian. She doesn’t know how to cook non vegetarian. But she learnt it for ours sake. She has never tasted it, but she cooks it in such a way that it tastes delicious.

I wonder how she is able to take care of all these things. When I was in Virudhunagar, we were five friends staying together. Unable to meet the food expenses, we decided to cook at home. We started cooking food. We divide the work among five of us. One friend buys the groceries. Two friends cook. The other two wash the vessels. In spite of dividing the work amongst us, we felt hard to stick to it. Really, I wonder how come she is able to take care of all these things alone without even a single day break.

She made me to study outside Chennai, because of which I learnt many things. It taught me - how one has to adjust with friends, how one should manage expenses, how to be flexible, how to be independent, how one has to keep going even when the loved ones are not around.

In fact, I knew how difficult it is to do all these things, but I felt the real pain involved only after my stay at Virudhunagar. After coming here, I wanted to share the work she did. As I started earning from my end, I wanted both my parents to stop working. My father is now in Chennai. I asked him not to go again anywhere to earn. Money is needed but it can’t buy us everything. I have even asked my mother to quit her job so many times, but she is not interested to do. She says she feels bored at home. I agree, it is one of the reasons, but the real reason is she doesn’t want me to take the whole responsibility on my shoulders.

What we have to do for our parents:

  1.We must respect them.
  2.We must listen to them and do things accordingly.
  3.They may be wrong at times, after all they are humans. In that case, we have to educate them why it was done the other way.
  4.We should take care of them till their last breath. We should not put them under the care of old age home. We must live for them.
  5.After marriage, there may be some misunderstandings and difference in opinion between one’s spouse and parents. In that case, we have to talk to them to sort things out. We should not think about having a nuclear family with our spouse.

The above points might seem confusing, but when you dig deeper, you will understand all of them meant the same. It just says “Please don’t forget your parents”

In Psychology, I have read that “Everyone has own reasons behind their actions”. But my mother proves this wrong. She does everything for us without expecting anything in return. I am gifted to have a mother like her. Not only my mother, there are hundreds of mothers like her. They live for their children throughout their life. In fact, there is no end to mother’s love, but this article has.

Dedicated to the most beautiful woman,
Kannappan.

Jan 6, 2012

My travel with the best companion ‘The Hindu’

I travel from one end of Chennai to the other end to make my both ends meet. It’s a long journey day to day from Ambattur to Thiruvanmiyur. In my first trip, as all do, I too started with listening to music. After days passed, I felt it uninteresting and gave up. Later, I use to kill my time sleeping.
One day, I wanted to observe what others do in train. They sleep, read, chat, or have their China sets in full volume which will tear your ears. I had neither a person to chat nor a China mobile and since I was already fed up with naps and music, my only option was to read. Without a second thought, I chose ‘The Hindu’ which is one of the best dailies.

Though, I was from a matriculation school, I was not that good in English as I was taught only to learn a language as a subject. So, I thought I should improve my language through reading the daily.

For few months, I just read the headlines and not the detailed news because of two reasons. Firstly, I was not able to understand the meanings of few complex words which were above my standard. Secondly, I felt lazy to read in detail. I was happy to turn the pages quickly to see the last page as I’m quite interested in sports column. Then spend my time solving the Sudoku.

Days passed, without my knowledge, I gradually started reading in detail about everything that I felt interesting. Whenever, I came across new words, I type in my mobile and see the meaning for those words once I reach office. This is how it started and I spent my time preciously instead of wasting it.

One day, my mother called me and asked ‘why don’t you take the company bus instead of walking and changing two trains’. I thought it was a good idea and whispered to myself ‘Yes, I may get a good looking girl to accompany me, who would laugh even for my stupid jokes.’ But in fact, whatever we think never happens, does it?

The next month, I registered myself for the company bus. I opened ‘The Hindu’. I was not able to read as the bus shook because of our most beautiful roads. Within fractions, I felt the pain in my eyes and the head ached. In the bus, one could see two groups of people, the first group with their ipods on and the second group which always sleeps. I had no other option but to fall in the latter. Despite spending thousand rupees for the bus, it was rather boring and made me lethargic. Somehow, I pushed the month and I said to myself, ‘I should never again think of coming in bus.’

I switched again to my train travel. I learnt many things within a month. I have heard of people saying “Life is how we look at it”. An optimist says the glass is half full while a pessimist says the glass is half empty. Though, it is true, it requires experience to realize it. Thanks to my mother who wanted me to travel in bus that changed my looking at life.

The people whom I once saw as a crowd now look like a bunch of lovely and lively people struggling for their bread and butter. The elders’ talking about politics and their day to day life instances please the ears compared to the monotonous tune in the ipods. When I think of whether technology is a boon or bane to mankind, I end up saying it is in how we use it.


Moreover, in the train, one can admire a child’s cry; an old man’s laugh. One can listen to the pleas of the common man. One can offer a needy and feel self satisfied, what else can we ask for?

Coming back to my best companion, in spite of doing all these, I also read the daily. Reading which I once started as a duty has now become a pleasure. Apart from knowing about the day to day happenings, I also learn how to live a life. Here are some of the important things that I learnt,

Ø One must not throw waste in the open. I do my bit to keep the environment clean. What about you?

Ø One must be flexible. It not only applies to workplace, it is applicable through out our life especially in order to avoid beaten by our spouse.

Ø One must use the available resources judiciously.

Ø One must put a diary and write all their happy moments. One who is content and trains his brain to be happy is believed to live longer.

Ø One must not spit in public places.

Ø One must be wary of desire, greed and anger which prompt him to commit sin.

Ø One must not splurge on unnecessary things.

Ø One must have 4 to 5 small meals at frequent intervals than having three big meals a day.

Ø One must not urinate in the open.

Ø One must exercise at least thirty minutes a day.

Ø One must take care of his parents in their old age.

Ø One must not commit suicide.

Ø One must not smoke that too in the public places, where we deny fresh air even to the non smokers. Smoking doesn’t mean that smokers will die early. Non smokers are walking on the pavement whereas the smokers are walking in the middle of the road where there are high chances of getting hit.

I inculcate values in me by reading ‘The Hindu’ what we so call education has failed to do. There may be an end to my train travel, but there will be never an end to the journey of life with ‘The Hindu’. Join the journey with ‘The Hindu’ in just three rupees which is half the minimum fare that we spend in a MTC.

Though, at times we say ‘Life sucks’ (enna vazhkada idhu), in the broader picture, it looks very beautiful, doesn’t it?

Mar 20, 2011

Battle between me and my son

He is 31; he is a chain smoker and a drinker. It was me from whom he grabbed money to drink all these years. I would have spent more than what I earn for his smoking and drinking. I use to take him to the rehabilitation center and after some few months there will be a call from the center saying that your son is not drinking now and you can very well take him home. But soon as he comes home; he will start drinking in two or three days.

A few years back, he was in ICU due to his excessive drinking and I spent more than two lakhs for his recovery. Only God knows how much I suffered because of him.

Adding to that, my husband also went to his native place as he was unable to control his son and he thought that if he was not near then the troubles made will be comparatively less. My second son (Karthik) stays some few kilometers away from us as he was not able to tolerate my first son’s torture. My son and I were being together for the past ten years now. Last Sunday, by 6.30, I came home after attending a marriage function. It was after that, the tragedy happened.

He was very nervous at that time as he dint have money to drink

He was watching cricket for sometime and then he came to me and asked money to drink. I told him that I don’t have money. He started kicking and beating me. I tried to manage him but ended in vain. He deleted all my contacts in my cell phone and also tore my address book to keep me not calling to the alcohol rehabilitation center. I took my luggage and came down and was about to start to my relative’s home. He dragged me into the house. He then asked my wedding chain(thaali). I refused to give him but still he tried to pluck it from me. I didn’t know what to do as a sole woman. I got the precious chain from him and gave him my golden earring in return.

He then locked me in the room and went out. I don’t know for how much he kept the earring. He drank for that money and returned home. During that time, I cried for a long time and slept unknowingly. He opened the doors and came in. As there was some sound, I woke up but acted like I was still sleeping, so that he would not beat me. I kept saying some prayers and prayed God.

He later went into the bedroom and he kept the TV in full sound. I was silently watching what he was doing. The door was half open and I was not able to see him and the TV was in full sound. It was 12AM at that time.

I closed my eyes and started praying for him. The time reached 12.30 AM. I usually know that whenever he drank, he would eat late. I waited patiently till 1 AM. I thought he slept without eating. I got up from the bed and went into his room and I was shocked to see him hanging. I shouted and screamed but there was no one to help me in the midnight.

Really I don’t know what to do. I tried to lift him thinking that still he might be alive. I touched his heart and realized that he was no more. I hurried downstairs, called my landlady for help. She came with me and saw my son. She was frightened on seeing him.

As all the contacts were deleted, I don’t know what to do. I was in a very bad situation even I don’t remember my second son, Karthik’s mobile number. The landlady and I started to my relative’s home nearby. I told them what happened and also called to Karthik’s mobile after getting his number from them. His mobile was in silent, he dint pick up for the first two times. I was very tensed and thought that he was in deep sleep. At the third time, he picked up and shocked to know that his brother committed suicide.

He rushed to our home. Karthik called all my relatives. Police came and had the FIR. They collected his suicide note which read ‘Amma, please forgive me. I did all the things that should not be done by a son to his mother. Though, I have beaten you many times, you were very patient and you showed your love in return. I tried many times to quit drinking but I was unable to give up. I wanted to go for a good job, but I was unable to do with this bad habit. I am sorry that I was not able to make you proud. If there is a next birth for me, I love to be born to you and I will be a good son and I will surely make you proud. It was a battle between me and drinking in which drinking won many times but it was me who had the final say. I proved that my mother’s love is bigger than all the unnatural things on earth. If somebody asks about my death, please tell them that I died because of heart attack’.

The body was taken for postmortem. Cry all around. We did the last rites. According to him, it was me who won the battle but actually speaking; I not only wanted him to quit drinking but also wanted him to lead a very happy life with a good job. I lost the battle, I lost him.


This is not just a story and this is a real thing that happened to my close relative. Why don’t we ban smoking and drinking in our country. What is there in it? Why do people start to smoke and drink? Is it not the waste of time, money and health in particular?

I got a lot of answers when I asked these questions to my friends. One says, ‘I don’t want to live longer, I just want to enjoy life. But it’s not that I cannot live without smoking. I just smoke.’

Another says ‘my seniors at my college ask me to get cigarettes for them, as time went on I started smoking and I’m unable to quit now’.

‘I drink when I’m happy and friends meet after a long time like in a tour or in a get-together. It’s not that I’m addicted and I cannot survive without drinking.’

‘I drink when I’m happy to increase my happiness and I drink when I’m sad to decrease my sadness’. So, whatsoever, he is drinking always.

What most of us say is that we are not addicted to it. But actually speaking addiction happens without our knowledge and we may even think that we can control but it goes beyond our control. This is the fact. Now, one will say, ‘I will drink when I’m happy’. After some point of time, the same one will say, ‘I am forced to drink because I feel depressed and nervous when I think about my responsibilities and commitments’.

What are the ways to control ourselves?

The most important thing is to write the day to day happenings and maintain a diary.

What are the advantages in writing diary?

1. It decreases our sorrows and increases our happiness.

2. When there is a problematic situation in our life, we can turn back the pages to see that we have faced and tackled many problems that were very problematic than the one that we face today. So, it gives you confidence to face anything in life. (Vijay solramadhiri ‘evalavo pannitom, idha panna matama’)

3. It helps you to keep in track of yourselves.

4. It increases your personality and it helps you to change yourself in a good way.

Writing diary is a beautiful experience and I’m really searching for words to explain this. Start writing from today and feel the difference.

Drinking and Smoking - This is time for us to think whether we really need this. Don’t ever forget that there is a family behind each and every drinker. We have to think about their worries and sufferings. We have to stick to good ethics. Hope we can change from hereon.

Aug 18, 2010

HOW TO BE HAPPY

We do many things in our life just to be self satisfied and ultimately what we all want is happiness. Inspite of doing whatever we desire, we are unhappy. Why?
HAPPINESS IN TERMS OF SELF SATISFACTION:
When one is satisfied with whatever he is and whatever he has, obviously he will be the happiest person.
Comparison is one of the main things that ruin happiness in us. Just don’t compare yourself with others.
For example: “Vincent is the one who takes Maths for your class. How come John is able to get centum but why don’t you?”
Just remember that you can make the one who gets 95 to get a centum. But it’s not at all easy to make the one who gets 20 to get a centum. Nobody can be a perfect match to another. Everybody is good in their own ways. This thing holds good not only in academics; this is a universal truth and is applicable in all parts of our life.
Instead of comparing yourself with others, try to beat your own records. In this way, I’m sure that you can improve and you can also be happy.
Self satisfaction:
Do whatever you like and whatever you want, but make sure that it doesn’t affect others in any sense. Always listen to what others say, analyze, go ahead if you are ok with it, otherwise go by whatever you wish. Self satisfaction is one of the important roots for happiness.
Always, one searches for things that are better than what he has. One is also not satisfied with whatever he has achieved. Self contentment is needed in order to be happy. Without this, one cannot be happy at all.
For example: I wanted to get 1000 in my tenth, but was not able to get,but still I was happy about it.
I wanted to get 1150 in my twelfth, but was not able to get. Still I was happy with what I had achieved.
I wanted to become a doctor but ended up being an engineer. But still I was happy about that.
I wanted to study abroad but I’m working in a company now. But still I’m happy with this.
This is all because of self contentment. Satisfied with what I am and what I have.
HAPPINESS IN TERMS OF TIME:
Past:
Past is always beautiful.
Whenever we think about our past, it’s always beautiful. Even, it gives pleasure when we talk about the past.
Share your experience with others, it will always make you happy.
Example:
1. “College life, it’s chanceless, you know how I enjoyed it”
2. “You know we had no money but we had our best time in our life” (engayo kaeta madhiri irukumae Vaaranam Aayiram dialogae dan)
Present:
Present is something that is filled with joy and sorrow.
Future:
Future is always troublesome.
If we keep on thinking about our future, then there will be no happiness in our lives.
If we never think about our future then there will be no improvement in our lives.
So, the thing is we can think about our near future.
A 8th standard student shall think how he is going to pass his 8th standard rather than thinking how he is going to get through in 12th standard.

Turn back and see what obstacles you have come across. Multiply your joy and divide your sorrow by sharing with others.
How to be happy in the present:
1.Even distribution of time spending with family and friends.
2.Chatting with persons whomever u like.
3.Caring for others. Please do not expect care from others.
4.Listening to music.
5.Never postpone things.
6.Talk more with persons older than 60 and younger than 5.
7.Spend time on things what u like.(how stupid it may be)
8.Always be smiling.
9.Don’t get tensed for small things.
10.Don’t get angry on others for silly things.
11.Think well before u act and react.

What I do when I’m a sad is

1.I say to myself that life is bautiful
2.I think of the song ‘oru naalil valkai ingae engum oadi pogadhu’ from Pudupettai.
Hope this adds some life to your lives.
This is my opinion about happiness. Please also share your comments, so that we will be able to generalise how to be happy.

Jun 17, 2010

NEVER READ THIS POST IF U HAVE AN IDEA OF COMMITTING SUICIDE

There are a lot of things in this world which makes our lives more enjoyable and interesting. Then y do people commit suicide.
Nowadays the most important reason for suicide is love failure. There was one good friend of mine who committed suicide because of love failure. You know, when I went to his home a year after his death, his parents saw me and cried as if he died last day.
Please try to understand we are not here for only one person. There are so many persons who are dependent on us directly or indirectly.
If suicide is the answer for love failure then I have to commit suicide for more than a thousand times. When Trisha is not for you then please have in mind that Divya is always waiting for u next door. (Vadivelu solra madiri ‘Trisha illaena Divya’…avlodan valka). So simple.
A few weeks back when the tenth standard results were released. I read in Hindu that more than 5 students committed suicide as they did not secure good marks in their examination. Is there anything like we can’t survive in this world if we don’t get good marks? This is not the mistake of the students; it’s actually because of the people around them especially their parents and teachers who told them that Education is the most important.
If Sachin Tendulkar has thought in the same way, then we would have never seen a Master Blaster in him. Everybody has their own talents, the thing is - it is hidden and we have to do whatever has to be done to bring it out.
People have also found that depression is another main cause for suicide.
In this world, no one can show a person who is completely happy. Everybody has their own problems. There r only 2 ways to tackle our problems.
• Either v have to find a way to overcome our problems
• Else v have to learn how to be happy in spite of our problems.
There is a famous saying which goes like this
“An adventure is only an inconvenience rightly considered and an inconvenience is only an adventure wrongly considered”
Whenever we feel like committing suicide v have to think for a while.
• Whether our problems are going to get solved as a result of this?
• Will our parents be happy after our death?
Just think of your surroundings. Can your friends and parents be happy without u? Even your friends may forget u after some point of time but what about your parents, they will cry cry cry until they die.
So please friends, educate your surroundings that there is nothing in this world that is as important as life and create awareness. Make them understand that we have so many responsibilities and there are many things we have to learn and understand for a good living.

-Kannappan

Got published in Hindu,
 http://www.thehindu.com/opinion/open-page/article2504119.ece
 

Nov 1, 2009

Life in BPO

"MAN PROPOSES, GOD DISPOSES"
Whatever we think is not happening always. Likewise, I did not expect that I would join in a BPO.
Really, I feel very happy to work there as my job is so interesting. Day by day, the number of my friends keeps increasing.
Many feel that working in a BPO after completing Engineering is freaky and a bull shit. But, it's not like that. Wherever we are in, we learn something, as far as I'm concerned, I'm learning a lot here.
The real frustration in BPOs is we are less paid for more work. We work for more than 10 hours for a less sum of just 10,000 Rupees. Otherwise, it's a good life here.

Mar 6, 2009

MY SWEET HOME

Everyone we see likes something.I like my small flat so much.It has seen my tears and also my happiness.It is here where I learnt many things.I am living here since my seventh standard.Even if i become a millionaire or a poor, i will not sell this flat at any cost.I will be in this flat till my last breath.