He is 31; he is a chain smoker and a drinker. It was me from whom he grabbed money to drink all these years. I would have spent more than what I earn for his smoking and drinking. I use to take him to the rehabilitation center and after some few months there will be a call from the center saying that your son is not drinking now and you can very well take him home. But soon as he comes home; he will start drinking in two or three days.
A few years back, he was in ICU due to his excessive drinking and I spent more than two lakhs for his recovery. Only God knows how much I suffered because of him.
Adding to that, my husband also went to his native place as he was unable to control his son and he thought that if he was not near then the troubles made will be comparatively less. My second son (Karthik) stays some few kilometers away from us as he was not able to tolerate my first son’s torture. My son and I were being together for the past ten years now. Last Sunday, by 6.30, I came home after attending a marriage function. It was after that, the tragedy happened.
He was very nervous at that time as he dint have money to drink
He was watching cricket for sometime and then he came to me and asked money to drink. I told him that I don’t have money. He started kicking and beating me. I tried to manage him but ended in vain. He deleted all my contacts in my cell phone and also tore my address book to keep me not calling to the alcohol rehabilitation center. I took my luggage and came down and was about to start to my relative’s home. He dragged me into the house. He then asked my wedding chain(thaali). I refused to give him but still he tried to pluck it from me. I didn’t know what to do as a sole woman. I got the precious chain from him and gave him my golden earring in return.
He then locked me in the room and went out. I don’t know for how much he kept the earring. He drank for that money and returned home. During that time, I cried for a long time and slept unknowingly. He opened the doors and came in. As there was some sound, I woke up but acted like I was still sleeping, so that he would not beat me. I kept saying some prayers and prayed God.
He later went into the bedroom and he kept the TV in full sound. I was silently watching what he was doing. The door was half open and I was not able to see him and the TV was in full sound. It was 12AM at that time.
I closed my eyes and started praying for him. The time reached 12.30 AM. I usually know that whenever he drank, he would eat late. I waited patiently till 1 AM. I thought he slept without eating. I got up from the bed and went into his room and I was shocked to see him hanging. I shouted and screamed but there was no one to help me in the midnight.
Really I don’t know what to do. I tried to lift him thinking that still he might be alive. I touched his heart and realized that he was no more. I hurried downstairs, called my landlady for help. She came with me and saw my son. She was frightened on seeing him.
As all the contacts were deleted, I don’t know what to do. I was in a very bad situation even I don’t remember my second son, Karthik’s mobile number. The landlady and I started to my relative’s home nearby. I told them what happened and also called to Karthik’s mobile after getting his number from them. His mobile was in silent, he dint pick up for the first two times. I was very tensed and thought that he was in deep sleep. At the third time, he picked up and shocked to know that his brother committed suicide.
He rushed to our home. Karthik called all my relatives. Police came and had the FIR. They collected his suicide note which read ‘Amma, please forgive me. I did all the things that should not be done by a son to his mother. Though, I have beaten you many times, you were very patient and you showed your love in return. I tried many times to quit drinking but I was unable to give up. I wanted to go for a good job, but I was unable to do with this bad habit. I am sorry that I was not able to make you proud. If there is a next birth for me, I love to be born to you and I will be a good son and I will surely make you proud. It was a battle between me and drinking in which drinking won many times but it was me who had the final say. I proved that my mother’s love is bigger than all the unnatural things on earth. If somebody asks about my death, please tell them that I died because of heart attack’.
The body was taken for postmortem. Cry all around. We did the last rites. According to him, it was me who won the battle but actually speaking; I not only wanted him to quit drinking but also wanted him to lead a very happy life with a good job. I lost the battle, I lost him.
This is not just a story and this is a real thing that happened to my close relative. Why don’t we ban smoking and drinking in our country. What is there in it? Why do people start to smoke and drink? Is it not the waste of time, money and health in particular?
I got a lot of answers when I asked these questions to my friends. One says, ‘I don’t want to live longer, I just want to enjoy life. But it’s not that I cannot live without smoking. I just smoke.’
Another says ‘my seniors at my college ask me to get cigarettes for them, as time went on I started smoking and I’m unable to quit now’.
‘I drink when I’m happy and friends meet after a long time like in a tour or in a get-together. It’s not that I’m addicted and I cannot survive without drinking.’
‘I drink when I’m happy to increase my happiness and I drink when I’m sad to decrease my sadness’. So, whatsoever, he is drinking always.
What most of us say is that we are not addicted to it. But actually speaking addiction happens without our knowledge and we may even think that we can control but it goes beyond our control. This is the fact. Now, one will say, ‘I will drink when I’m happy’. After some point of time, the same one will say, ‘I am forced to drink because I feel depressed and nervous when I think about my responsibilities and commitments’.
What are the ways to control ourselves?
The most important thing is to write the day to day happenings and maintain a diary.
What are the advantages in writing diary?
1. It decreases our sorrows and increases our happiness.
2. When there is a problematic situation in our life, we can turn back the pages to see that we have faced and tackled many problems that were very problematic than the one that we face today. So, it gives you confidence to face anything in life. (Vijay solramadhiri ‘evalavo pannitom, idha panna matama’)
3. It helps you to keep in track of yourselves.
4. It increases your personality and it helps you to change yourself in a good way.
Writing diary is a beautiful experience and I’m really searching for words to explain this. Start writing from today and feel the difference.
Drinking and Smoking - This is time for us to think whether we really need this. Don’t ever forget that there is a family behind each and every drinker. We have to think about their worries and sufferings. We have to stick to good ethics. Hope we can change from hereon.
